Shyness of Chinese People in the Party (中国人在聚会时候的羞涩)


Shy to expose their feelings or opinions不善于表达他们的感受和观点

If you stay in China or get along with Chinese people for some time, you might notice that Chinese people tend to be extremely shy in social life. The shyness of Chinese people is actually resulted from traditional Chinese culture and education. Most often these shyness just show the kindness of Chinese.


Let’s take a dinner party as an example to see how Chinese people are shy in a party.


First of all, they are shy to introduce themselves to other people.


Chinese people would always feel uncomfortable in western party for they are not used to introduce themselves to strangers. They prefer talking with the people they know and prefer someone help them introduce themselves to others. That’s because they think it is strange to introduce yourself to strangers and it is embarrassing or shaming if that person don’t want to talk to you.


Shy to ask questions or ask you to repeat.羞于提出问题或者要求别人重复

When you are talking to a Chinese people, you may find they seldom have questions or ask you to repeat when they actually don’t know what you are talking about. They behaved they knew everything you talked. Because of their shyness to ask questions or ask you to repeat, much misunderstanding happened between the two people. The reason they don’t like to ask questions or ask to repeat is that they think it might give you inconvenience and trouble to repeat and they don’t want to bring you any inconvenience. Considering for others is the commonsense(常识) of Chinese people. To some people, it might also because they don’t want you to know they got trouble in understanding what you are saying. Or they would feel ashamed.



Shy to expose their feelings or opinions 羞于揭露/表达他们的感觉和观点

Chinese people think it is impolite to say no directly to disagree with others. Instead they expose their opinions in a much indirect way: eg. You are talking to a Chinese and giving your opinion on certain issues. At the time your opinion is against his, he won’t say: no, you are wrong, but he may listen, sometimes nod with smiles and says: I agree with you at some points/it make some sense.. but I think this should be better… (Sometimes they may only nod and smile saying that why you are right at some points while they are actually thinking of the contrary.)


Chinese people are reserved(含蓄的) and don’t like to show their affections(爱慕/喜爱之情). To Chinese, it’s unnecessary and weird to show their affection for relatives and friends. That’s why most Chinese parents don’t say “I love you” to show their love to their children.



Shy to open the gift on the face of others羞于当面打开别人送的礼物

Never there is the custom in China that gift receiver open the gifts on the face of gift senders. One reason is that people who bought less expensive gift might feel ashamed if it is opened right after a very expensive one. So in order not to make the embarrassment, they would open the gift after guests left. Another reason people wouldn’t open the gift on the face of others is that it could be very embarrassing for gift receiver and gift senders if the gift is a much private thing. Because of the conservativeness, usually Chinese people wouldn’t like others to know what their gifts are. Gift receiver too, would understand all this and keep it as a secret.


Shy to go Dutch when coming to the bills


When meal is over and coming to the bills, most circumstances  in China are people struggle to pay the bills. Chinese people think it is not appropriate to let others pay for the bill and they are not used to the western way of going dutch. Most often in a friends gathering one would pay for this meal and another make the payment next time. Taking turns to pay all the bills are the most usual way in China. Also it is important not to let girls pay the bill. So everytime coming to the bills, girls usually don’t need to pay anything while boys pay all the bills. (Boys would feel ashamed if they allow girls pay the bill.)



Shy to check through bills


When coming to the payment, Chinese people would only ask for a total amount and make the payment without even checking the bill while westerners would look through the bill in front of the waiter/waitress. That doesn’t mean Chinese people are so rich that they don’t even care about bill. They do this only to show their trust to the waiter/waitress. They think waiter/waitress has made bill clear and correct, and if you check through the bill carefully, it only shows you are not trusting the waiter/waitress and the waiter/waitress would feel offended. So they would most often not check through the bill in front of the waiter/waitress unless it comes too much more than they expected.


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